Low-light, My Old Friend

I always know it’s going to eventually hit me. It’s only a matter of time. You can’t tell by just hanging out a little with me. I can cover it up pretty well. Like talking to an Alzheimer’s sufferer on the phone. You have to spend a lot of time to actually notice. It’s even hard for me to pick up on it at times.

I realized it had arrived today when I was writing a little one-page literary masterwork for myself. When I re-read it, I almost offed myself. It was bleak, man!

The weird thing is, I actually kind of enjoy it. Most people won’t get that, but some will. I know for a fact some will. I’ve always known that about myself. After a girl and I broke up back in the day I was hurt for quite some time. I finally moved on from missing her and found that I missed the hurt more than her. Like it was my pal or something. Same thing with this.

I’m definitely most creative “feeling” in the midst of that foulness, though I may not actually be anymore creative. I’m definitely more observant and introspective.

So, welcome autumn! I greet you with open arms.

Quotes

“He heals their swollen pride and nourishes their love, that they may not wander even farther away through self-confidence, but rather weaken as they they see the Godhead grown weak by sharing our garments of skin, and wearily fling themselves down upon him, so that he may arise and lift them up.” — ‘He realizes the need for Christ the Mediator’, “The Confessions” by St. Augustine

“No culture can rise above it’s concept of God.” — “Trinity: God Is”, a sermon by Mark Driscoll

“…the first step towards deliverance is to treat the flesh according to God’s viewpoint. And what is that? It is not in trying to crucify the flesh but in acknowledging that it has been crucified, not in walking according to our sight but according to our faith in the Word of God.” — ‘The Deliverance of the Cross’, “The Spiritual Man” by Watchman Nee

Don’t let your heart get heavy…..there’s a strength that lies & hides

One of the hard things in life is that life is, in fact, hard for everyone. It’s not as if someone out there has figured it all out and has the quick fix for every situation. Like if we’d replicate the way they do it, things would suddenly be easier. Every day. All the time.

Jesus lived life out spotlessly and life was just as hard, if not much harder. He was killed. He was ridiculed. Publicly called a liar and had people begging for him to be gotten rid of.

And yet, this same thing that could suffocate us from living at all can be the very same thing that encourages us and helps us navigate through life.

Jo and I had a conversation with a friend that is having marriage troubles and feeling beaten down. Few things can make you feel defeated faster than a marriage under fire! We both said, “This is not easy! This has no quick fix. But, believe us when we tell you, this is possible”.

Knowing that there is someone by your side that can walk with you as you navigate through the tough stuff and tell you what is unnecessary and what just needs some work can be the little bit helps you accomplish it.

Our culture has permeated the church, if in no other way, by telling us that if something requires work it isn’t worth our time. Things should come easy! But that isn’t what scripture tells us at all. Things do require work! Often times the best things require the most work. God told Adam he would toil. And we do. We go through things that make no sense. We come up against things that we have no idea how to do or how we can make them work. And that is the great thing about life being hard for everyone! There is someone out there that has been through that same ordeal and though they may not have the perfect answer or even the answer you want to hear they know enough to help you get through it.

I think about one of my favorite episodes of The West Wing called “Noel”. Josh is dealing with post-traumatic stress and his boss Leo, who dealt with alcoholism, throws him a little tale of wisdom.

“A guy falls into a hole and can’t get out. He screams for help! A doctor walks by, writes out a prescription, throws it down the hole and tells him good luck. Still screaming for help, a priest comes by. He writes out a prayer, throws it down the hole and tells him good luck. While feeling like he’ll never get out, his friend comes by. He says, ‘hey man, can you help me out?!’ So his friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, ‘what are you doing? Now we’re both stuck!’ His friend says, ‘but we’re not. I’ve been down here before and I know the way out’.”

I look at our friend and say, “We know the way out. Just trust us! You’re not alone anymore.”

Lyrics

I can honestly say that over the past few months I’ve been in a dry place not only of writing, but also of music. I heard someone say a few years ago that music speaks to us most strongly while we’re young and our hormones are wreaking havoc. We attach things to music in a much more emotional way than when we’re older.

I can definitely say that I see that! Don’t get me wrong…..it’s not that I don’t have hormones and it’s definitely not that music doesn’t affect me anymore. But the people that were really close to me when I was between 16-25 could tell you that the affect of music over me then was a completely different animal to what it is now.

I still can’t stand still when I’m playing worship. I still have to contain myself with a guitar in my hand. But, I don’t hear a random song for the second time and it almost bring me to tears or bring me out of my skin like it once did. I don’t attach every song I hear to a person or event. I still do it with a song once in a while, but probably only one out of every 20 or 30 times.

But lately I’ve been really affected by songs that I already knew and didn’t do anything for me the first 50 or so times that I heard them. And it’s been by artists that I normally wouldn’t listen to. For instance, I loathe Nickelback with nearly all that I am. But the past couple of times I’ve heard “Far Away” it’s moved me almost to the point to where I would say, “I freaking love that song”.

Another much less embarassing one would be Sara Groves’ “Conversations”. That chick can write a song. It’s not really my style of music, but she’s still great.

‘CONVERSATIONS’

“I don’t know how to say this, I don’t know how to stand, I don’t know where to put my feet, or where to put my hands.
I’ve got them in my pockets, my fingers are freezing cold, they’re wrapped around a ticket stub that’s four weeks old, and I don’t know how to say this.

I think we’ve figured out this world is bigger than you and I.
We’ve exhausted our wealth of knowledge and have no more answers for mankind.

CHORUS:
We’ve had every conversation in the world about what is right and what has all gone bad, but have I mentioned to you that this is all I am, this is all that I have?

I’m not trying to judge you. That’s not my job. I am just a seeker too, in search of God.

Somewhere somehow this subject became taboo. I have no other way to communicate to you. This is all that I am. This is all that I have.

repeat CHORUS

I would like to share with you what makes me complete. I don’t claim to have found the Truth, but I know it has found me.

The only thing that isn’t meaningless to me is Jesus Christ and and way he set me free. This is all that I have. This is all that I am.

The only thing that isn’t meaningless to
me is Jesus Christ and and way he set me free. This is all that I have. This is all that I am.

I don’t how to say this, I don’t know where to start. I just know that I care for you and I’m speaking from my heart…”

And while I write this another Sara Groves song comes on. One that Jo sent the lyrics of to our small group when one of the guys’ mom died. Check it out if you get a chance. “What Do I Know?”

I am being moved.