It’s good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that and I know. But lately, I’m getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over.
This is always tough for me, the last time sitting under the porch before I pull out to head west. In previous years it was Labor Day weekend, now it’s after my guys’ weekend in October. It’s still warm, but it won’t be when I return. No one will be back until Thanksgiving when it’s generally freezing on the beach and underneath the house. That weekend revolves around cooking, eating & shopping. It’s an outlier.
I would live here or in Wilmington at the drop of a hat if we could make it work financially. But I am limited in how I can provide.
I may never understand why my parents won’t move here permanently. It’s none of my business. For now, it’s the place I most want to be with Jo & Finley when I have downtime. It’s even better when my sister’s family is around.
So, goodbye warm weather. I’ll see you Memorial Day weekend.
“I dread the moments when the house is empty. If only they would talk to one another and not to me.”
“They say an unhappy man wants distractions—something to take him out of himself. Only as a dog-tired man wants an extra blanket on a cold night; he’d rather lie there shivering than get up and find one. It’s easy to see why the lonely become untidy, finally, dirty and disgusting.
Meanwhile, where is God? This is one of the most disquieting symptoms. When you are happy, so happy that you have no sense of needing Him, so happy that you are tempted to feel His claims upon you as an interruption, if you remember yourself and turn to Him with gratitude and praise, you will be—or so it feels—welcomed with open arms. But go to Him when your need is desperate, when all other help is vain, and what do you find? A door slammed in your face, and a sound of bolting and double bolting on the inside. After that, silence. You may as well turn away. The longer you wait, the more emphatic the silence will become. There are no lights in the windows. It might be an empty house. Was it ever inhabited? It seemed so once. And that seeming was as strong as this. What can this mean? Why is He so present a commander in our time of prosperity and so very absent a help in time of trouble?”
I have no clue if anyone is still subscribed to this. I hope not.
I am angry. Full of anger. I am beat down and feel like there is nowhere to vent what I feel, no one who understands.
I love my wife & little girl, yet I constantly ask myself, “How did I end up here? How did I end up in a place where I’m stuck and so unaccomplished? I’m not stupid!”
I’m so discontent. Again, not with my family. I love my girls. I just feel like my life is passing me by and I’m missing out on so many things. I feel like the past 15 years have been a constant process of my being shafted by people or completely dismissed.
If someone actually read this, I don’t want to know.